While some relationships can be very easy to get over (perhaps it was never very serious to begin with), others can be far more difficult. Indeed, long-term relationships, like marriages, take a lot of time and energy to process what has happened. A lot of the time, both parties never truly get over each other. Often the loss runs deeper than you realise.
Because these feelings and emotions can be incredibly complicated, it’s crucial that you get in touch with a trusted therapist for some much-needed breakup counselling. Not only can they help you process your pain and anxiety, but they can help you realise your potential, bolster your confidence and remove the negativity from your life. If you want to get the most out of your breakup counselling sessions, here are several important questions you need to ask.
What could I have done differently?
At the end of the day, it takes two people to make a relationship work. You might be thinking everything was smooth sailing and then suddenly it’s over. They’ve ended it with you, and you have no idea why. The ambiguity can be very difficult to process. Thankfully, your therapist can help you digest and perhaps pinpoint where it started to go wrong and devise things you could have done differently. It’s not about blame, it’s about learning from your experiences.
Why am I still emotionally drawn to my ex-partner?
It’s important to ask your therapist this question, since it can be multi-faceted and complicated. In your breakup counselling sessions, it’s important to discern why you are still emotionally drawn to them, because the source of this attachment could be something destructive or unhealthy. If it is something to do with money or luxuries, then your therapist will likely suggest that such superficial acts were never going to last in such a long-term relationship. If it is something deeper, however, like to do with physical touch or emotional support, then these are connections that need to be worked through and assessed over time.
How can I look for a different type of partner?
Look at your social group and their relationships. There’s always one person who has ex partners who are almost carbon copies of each other. It could very well be you. Everyone has their type, however, sometimes you need to consider expanding beyond your specific types, especially if you have had mostly bad experiences in the past. Your breakup counselling advisor might suggest dating someone new or different to you and your former partners.
How do I get better at relationships?
This can be a very difficult question to answer in breakup counselling sessions, since it is so broad and vague. No relationship is perfect – clearly. However, it is very important that you learn how to respect and cherish your partner. Some people find that their relationship style is very similar to how their parents treated each other. If you come from a disrupted and broken home, then this can be difficult to deal with and overcome.
There are many important relationship skills you should be enhancing when seeking breakup counselling. Think about your affection levels, how you communicate, how you listen and how you help your partner deal with his/her problems. Show that you care!
How will I move on?
It’s probably the most-asked question in all breakup counselling sessions. It’s only natural for you to want to know how to move on. If you’ve recently ended a relationship, then you’re probably in a lot of pain. You want that pain to end as quickly as possible. The simple fact of the matter is that it takes time, and the length of time it takes depends on several factors. If you weren’t happy in the relationship, then you’ll find yourself moving on quicker than someone who was content with their partner. Just take your time, do the things you love, whether it be sport, physical exercise, reading, movies, socializing with friends or eating great food. Be your own person and embrace your breakup counselling sessions!